Friday, 29 June 2012


So much mucus! I have a cold. It's been going on for almost 2 weeks now!

It's unbelievable the amount of snot and mucus that can build up in your sinuses to be expelled from your nose. Not only that, but the rate of regeneration of more mucus is at such a rate not seen since the gestation period of bio weapon aliens in PROMETHEUS!!!!

Speaking of the big film, I had high hopes for this as I am a big fan of Alien/s and I have to say I came out a tad disappointed. I liked the big answer to the big question we all had, but I didn't really like how it got there.

My main gripe was this. Call me pedantic, but if you have a space crew travelling to investigate the potential "most important answers in human history" (not to mention find the first(?) alien life in a galaxy far far away), is it too much to ask to have a crew that is professional, regimental even? Follows procedure? Has a discernable leader? Isn't a rag-tag bunch of sterotypical hollywood one dimensional archetypes?

Also, why pay Charlize Theron's hefty price tag if you're not going to give her anything to do? When she had her big reveal with old man make up Guy Pearce, I thought "Um I cared about x1000000000 times more with Vader and Luke".

Other than that the monsters were great, Fassbender as the Lawrence of Arabia robot was really great, as was the woman playing Ripley's mother/grandmother/great grandmother. Everything looked great and sounded great, even though I would've opted for a more sparse soundtrack, rather than blasting orchestral reveals screaming 'this is the most amazing thing we've seen since the Avatar jungle'.

A couple of the horrific sequences were indeed the most horrific to be displayed on the cinescope in quite some time and they were really effective. Performing your own last second alien abortion via Robo Doctor looks fairly unpleasant.

Yours Intelligence Insultingly,
Prof Dave

Friday, 22 June 2012

It was just so Vivid

Hey nonny know,

Please take yourselves back to a few weeks ago, as this post was meant to be posted then but I thought it had deleted before I could save and only now just discovered it in drafts! All hail drafts!

Braved the cold and went out the Sydney Vivid Light Festival on saturday night with the rest of the state. Lubed up with a few drinks and met some mates and had some laffs and ventured down to begin at Customs House.

All I can say is Mega Super Amazeballs all round!!

Basically this was a living, breathing, animated cartoon tale of Sydney's ins and outs from sunrise to sunset and everything in between. Alarms went off, a man hit his snooze button on the left of the building while a lady hopped into the shower on the right. Trains left their stations while little ant people got on and off. Little dots were playing tennis while another man was still contemplating which tie to wear for the day. A huge jet streamed across the sky while cartoon people walked back and forth on daily adventures. Another man appeared to be doing a boxing class for some reason while a bi-plane reminiscent of the Red Baron (???) flew over. Suddenly the sky darkened and rain and hail bucketed the city while people fled. With the riff raff washed away, the sun returned to start a new phase.... A truly incredibly achievement. The way the building seemingly shifted and moved in front of your eyes was truly mindblowing. Almost as if one has taken some sort of hallucinogen....

Yours Trippingly,

Prof Dave

Wrestling Genie Grants 3(00) wishes

Good Morn World,

This week the face of World Wrestling Entertainment or WWE John Cena granted his record breaking 300th wish for a poor sick kiddy attached the 'Make a wish' foundation.

As most probably know, this foundation 'grants the wishes' of kids with life threatening medical conditions who are usually bed ridden day in day out. Their simple wish: to meet John Cena their hero.

John Cena is now the most popular celebrity 'wish granter' in the history of the make a wish foundation.

The fact that a professional wrestler has achieved this is pretty amazing to me. He's a professional wrestler. What some would call a 'fake' or a 'phony'.   
He's not a box office action movie star like Arnold Schwarzenegger or popular wrestler turned movie star Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, a superstar from the world game like Pele, Maradonna or David Beckham, he's not a pop music icon like the late Michael Jackson or (gulp) the Spice Girls.

John Cena has been on the top consistently in his field for about 7 years or so, virtually more than any big wrestling superstar in recent history. However the business itself is decidedly not in a booming period like it was in the 'Golden Era' of the late 80s with Hulk Hogan's Hulkamania, nor the second recent boom period  or the late 90s early 2000s starring WCW's New World Order, WWEs Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock.

Personally as a wrestling fan, I'm not a big fan of John Cena. He seems a bit too fake for my liking and no the irony is not lost on me. But the reason is simple, he isn't marketed towards me, more towards little kids aged, say, 5 to 12. The WWEs bread and butter for the future. I guess this milestone is a grim proof that the marketing is working.

But it's also proof that herer we have a guy at the head of a company who is doing his best to give back something to his fans, the fans who are most in need.

No matter what I think about the character, I have to give major credit to the man John Cena for taking time out of constant travelling, training and performing to take 300 seperate visits to see sick and dying kids who have personally requested to see him.

I can't imagine what that is like - to be a hero of sorts to little kids in arenas and PR appearances, but then get hit with the reality of that when taking part in charities like make a wish. Individually seeing children on their potential death beds in hospital or in wheelchairs, tubes attached, underweight, pale, raspy voices. I have to believe that sort of exposure to those situations has a certain psychological effect on you.

But I can't really understand what that's like, for all involved and neither can most people who are luckily healthy.

Friday, 8 June 2012

Aaaah! (good aaah)

As I write this, I'm sipping into my first decaf extra hot flat white with one IN A WEEK! It's good. Sweet. Exxxxtra hot. Piping even.

Just on the 'extra hot' thing, is it not a grave indictment on our society when one has to engage additional oxygen to order their coffee EXTRA HOT just to receive the beverage (shock, horror) hot? Because that's been my experience in Sydders, and at the risk of sounding petty its simply unacceptable.

Prior to my 'extra hot' existence I was but a naive fool thinking that when you orded a coffee, it would arrive in it's traditional temperature of HOT. Not molten lava - I'm not mental or anything, but hot enough that you can't shove it all down your filthy gullet in one go and it warms your heart.

What a fool I was. I found that in most places you'd get served up some coffee substance barely warm or even LUKE warm, god help us. At first I thought 'Well I'm sure it's just a one off, they're having a bad day'. But it happened again and again AND YET AGAIN, like some Groundhog Day cafe scene in hell.

I even heard of some demented individuals ordering their coffee's as warm because it was too hot. Heavens!

Screw this town.

Yours Pipingly
Prof Dave

Wednesday, 6 June 2012


Hello Friend,

In de New York City!

It's Offical - Mitt Romney for Amercia!
Venus trumps Sun, next stop The Voice!
Prometheus has me pissing my xenopants!
League boss told to Gallop out of office (hurr)!

Try the mould wine it's fantastic! You're a wonderful audience.

Yours Hilariously,

Prof Dave

Friday, 1 June 2012

We've only just begun..... to liiiii-detox!

Hello Friend,

Ok first day of detox for me and Mrs Professor today. Started the day out bright with a charming breakfast of slightly taste challenged porridge with lovely stewed apple and 'forrest' berry. I don't really understand porridge - if it looks like baby vomit and tastes like baby.... well you get the idea.

Anyway I'm on calorie king now, off bread, dairy, coffee and alcohol etc for a week and I'm eating good stuff. Only a few hours in at this stage, so haven't had my snack of raw nuts yet but you better believe that's a coming.

And I am cheating for lunch as a team member is leaving work so we're having lunch out. But I'll go the healthy option, whatever the pub down the road pretends is in any way healthy.

I'm not really too worried about missing out, really I'm not. I just need to install some sense of discipline for the first time in 30 years. But fear not dear readers, this moderately love handled tall drink of sweetwater will not rest until the transformation into MegaGeorge Clooney (without the smugness) is complete! Or perhaps a not-as-muscled up Christian Bale (without as many angry outbursts).

Yours Detoxingly,
Prof Dave